No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
