I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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