I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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