Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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