How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize