Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I understand Curling. That high.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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