4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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