ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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