I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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