I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
