On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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