We're like a lot better than the average bears
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
