I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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