First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
