Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
