Nicole vs. Life
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
