They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My balls are so social today.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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