i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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