My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
