Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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