THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
