Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
