How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
