Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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