My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
