I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
