We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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