I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
