I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Randomize
