i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
