Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
