i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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