as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
