She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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