no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
