Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
