I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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