WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
