I didn't shave. On purpose
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
