WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
