The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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