in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
