I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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