the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
