Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize