he puts the penis in happiness.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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