id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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