Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
