He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
