If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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