If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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