There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
