there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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