Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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