Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
