is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
