Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
