we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
