Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
