I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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