I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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