i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and she was petting her beer can
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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