why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
