he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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