I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
