Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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