someone get that fucking seahorse.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
