it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My ATM looks so different sober.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Randomize
