i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
