you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What a dumb baby whore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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