A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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