Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
