what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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