i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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